The ‘Not So Proud’:

So I take the kids to the store this past weekend.  It was early on Sunday morning and I promised them a warm donut at the end (based on how I go through the store, bakery is last) for ‘helping’ me.

I stopped to speak with an employee.  As I was talking I could hear the kids start to ask questions and I asked them to ‘shush’ until I was done.  Unfortunately, they didn’t listen. 

I was speaking with an older woman; she was gruff, ruff and tuff (I just made that up, but I like it) and based on the octave in which her voice hovered, I’m assuming a carton a day habit.

So, what were my little angels asking?

‘Daddy, is that a man?’  ‘Dad, she sounds weird?’  ‘Daaaaad, is that a man or woman?’

Needless to say no one got a donut!

The ‘proud’:

I think with Brod, we have attained a nice combination of innocence, along with an acceptable knowledge of pop culture/current events so as to know what is ‘cool’ (and not be a target for bullies). 

Brody learned about a website where kids could create their own cartoon, add graphics and sound.  He even memorized the website and it was so cute to hear him recite it….www.nick.com (“slash”) turbo.

Once there, to save the creation, you had to create a screen name and a password.  I gave a basic description of what that was, and he came up with ‘BrodyDog’.  I think that was cool.

I am so proud of my wife.  I have her on this pedestal, as some goddess that always takes the high road; makes the ethical decision; and is never juvenile. 

Thankfully, she set that aside this weekend.

Brody was upset that a boy on his bus calls him ‘Brody Pepperoni.’   Now we all know that our kids will get called something someday, however, I never expected someone to rhyme Brody with Pepperoni as a taunt (A+ for creativity). 

After we explained the ‘Tao of Sticks and Stones’, Brody made it known that he really needed a more actionable course to endure this hardship.

I immediately thought to myself…”Hey Brody, next time he calls you a name, say ‘Bite me butt munch’, but fortunately I didn’t express that verbally.  I assumed that Dayna would have a more socially responsible course of action, and she did….

‘Brody, next time he calls you that, say “Okay, Jacob who wears Make Up!” and that should shut him up.’

Awwwwww, yeah!  That’s my baby!

We spent a couple days taking photos for our annual xmas card.  First, I think I’m going back to my traditional SLR.  The inability of a digital to focus in low light, stop any sort of motion, take a picture right when I push the goddamn button and it’s unquenchable thirst for double A batteries are collectively driving me nuts (plus I’m too cheap to get a digital SLR)!

That said, we took a few days to take some shots.  The kids were frenetic, and it was hard for Dayna and I at times to see past the ‘aggravation’ to the humor.  However, once we saw the first batch of photos, we couldn’t stop laughing and took more the next day with similarly bombastic results (and a renewed desire to go out and buy a four pack of Fuji 400 film).

We got the pic we wanted and the cards are presently being created.  So look for them soon; and if you don’t get one…well it means we don’t like you and you probably shouldn’t even be reading this.

Following are a couple from our ‘blooper reel’ with director commentary.

AS ALWAYS, CLICK ON EACH PICTURE TO ENLARGE.

Whenever…and I mean ‘WHENEVER’….Maura had a cute smile, Brody was acting like a fruitcake!

I can’t tell if she’s trying to use heat vision to burn through the camera or hypnotize us to go out for dinner!

Maura prepares to do the Heimlich maneuver on Greta the Dutch doll!   

At Brody’s teacher conference a couple weeks back, we received a good report on him.  The majority of the concerns were on Brody’s sensitivity.  Someone says ‘You’re not nice’, Brody cries rather than calling them a ‘skid mark on the underwear of life.’ 

Whenever Brody exhibits less than perfect behavior, he asks if ‘we’re disappointed’ as if that is worse than a hundred time outs.  Bottom line:  He’s sensitive.

So it was that during our ‘photo shoot’ Brody got a little out of hand and we had to point that out.  He immediately started the guilt and self-flagellation (is Catholicism genetic?) as evidenced by turning around his Santa hat so that you saw the ‘Naughty’ monogram rather than the previous side labeled ‘Nice’ and pulling it over his face.

A little melodramatic, but good comic timing and very cute!

Over the weekend, out of the blue, he asks me if he could get a GAP shirt.  He says all the cool kids have them, and he pointed out that presently Maura has one.  (He identified precedent, future lawyer there.)

Then the other day he’s putting on his Skechers; shoes that are more expensive than my shoes, and he asks if next time he could get Nikes.

I know that kids eventually become style-conscious; however I didn’t expect it yet, and I certainly didn’t expect it from Brody!

If he thinks he’s going to get Burberry sunglasses instead of Batman next summer, he’s got another thing comin’!

The other night, the kids asked Dayna if they could watch the home movies of when they were babies.  It was pretty neat and the kids really got a kick out of it. 

We eventually started to do other things but for whatever reason left the movies playing. 

Brody and I were at the kitchen table play WAR with a pack of cards; then Maura decided she wanted to play the same game, but with Mom in the family room and another set of cards.

The games eventually got a little loud as they kids tried to play quickly, or in Maura’s case, made up the rules:  ‘My card is prettier than yours, so I win!’ and the volume slowly increased.

After a few minutes I realized that whatever was on the home movie was also pretty loud; Brody was talking, Dayna and I were talking and infant Maura was crying.

So basically, the house now sounded like there were eight people in the house versus the more than enough, usual four!

Right there, confirmed all family planning decisions!

I heard an interview recently with Robin Williams in response to his recent self-admittance to an alcohol treatment facility.  The interviewer asked if he ever tried group therapy; he indicated he had but that eventually doctors would ask him to leave.  Seems he would just start doing routines, trying out jokes, and at the end of the day, he just loved having an audience.

Seemed a little narcissistic at the time, however I can totally relate now. 

I’ve left my job in the training department, where I had multiple, captive audiences every day, for a more operational role.  Today, I was invited to speak to a group of trainees, and man was it great! 

I don’t normally watch sports on television. I enjoy watching some sports, football, auto racing, … actually that’s about it…but since the kids were born, I don’t have the time (I’d rather spend the time with them) and I don’t want them to watch too much television.

As Brody is now getting older, his friends talk about pro sports and he’s asking a lot of questions.  So tonight, he asked if he could watch the football game.  Not wanting him to get beat up, I said ‘sure.’ 

Brody had no school last Thursday and Friday, and Grandma Jeanette was kind (BRAVE) enough to not only have Brody over, but Maura as well.

(Gotta tell you, I loved sleeping in till after 9 a.m. on Saturday!)

They had a great time and were very well behaved, though Grandma did have one sitcom-like issue to address.

They did go to a mall playplace on a nasty day and walked around the mall a bit.  When the got home from the mall, they were taking their coats off, but Maura refused.  G’ma pressed and Maura was quite insistent that she not take her coat off. 

Blah, blah blah (details occurred that I’m not 100% of…) Grandma got her coat off and Maura had been hiding a small, glittery notebook that she apparently had appropriated via questionable means (sounds like she might be a republican…let’s see if she blames it on alcoholism). 

Not really surprising for a little kid, but she tried to hide it, which means she knew it was wrong. 

On Saturday we took the kids to the Circus.  We were able to get front row, center seats in the balcony, which we all enjoyed.  There were a few incidents that really stood out for me.

One, normally our kids are like all other American children, asking for anything and everything that is for sale.  Right when we walked in there was a very large kiosk selling all manner of gaudy, circus related kay-rap.  To my amazement and pride, the kids never asked for a single thing the entire evening.  I could say it’s because they have good taste and the tacky items didn’t interest them but I’d rather believe that we’ve gotten through to them on the perils of materialism.

Maura has yet to fully understand ‘humor’.  There was one clown that was constantly playing the foil to the ringmaster; a classic pairing and they were playing it well.  Maura, however, started to look mad.  Dayna asked her what was wrong, and she said that the clown was ‘frustrating’ and ‘annoying’ her.  So every time this clown came out, regardless of how funny or acrobatic he was (he did some incredible stunts), she was annoyed.  However, all was forgiven when the tigers came out…she was so excited to see all the animals.

I was able to go to the Halloween party at Brody’s school and see the costume parade. 

I give a lot of credit to the elementary school teachers; they all dressed up, several had themes…one 4^th grade teacher was cheese, the other fourth grade teachers were mousse; one grade was the Flintstones and so on.  The principal, who is a very impressive administrator, wore a very convincing pirate costume.

One common theme…Darth Vader; there was not a single class that did not have at least TWO Sith Lords, some classes even more.  Even more interesting was the fact that rather than avoid each others proximity (as women wearing the same dress at a party), they choose to congregate in the parade line (no doubt some sort of intimidation tactic against the clowns). 

Primarily girls were pop stars, divas, cheetah girls or Britney/Xtina wannabes.  The rare homemade costume was a welcome change.

On ABC they have a new show called Ugly Betty.  It is based on a real television show in Univision and regularly has a snippet of Selma Hayek (hence I watch).  The lead character (the aforementioned Ugly Betty) has a younger brother who is….flamboyant.  Obviously he’s a twelve year old, future gay dude.  The kid actually does an excellent job at the role and is one of the better actors on the show.  Well, I think I saw his cousin at the parade.  While all the boys had some sort of costume reflecting either ‘I can kick your ass’ (Spidey, Batman, Superman, Hulk, Pirate, Darth Vader, other random Star Wars dudes) or a sense of humor (old people, etc) he was dressed as a MIME!  And, he was just a little toooooo into it. 

It’s as if his friends challenged him to try and get beat up.

Anyway, the parade was cute, the kids had a great time and it was nice to see Brody’s classroom, meat his teacher and several of his classmates.

One aspect of his education I really enjoy is the inclusiveness as it relates to others.  He has a boy with CP in his class.  He has trouble walking and is often in a wheelchair or has a walker.  He also had a slammin’ scarecrow (nice one from Oz, not the scary one from Gotham) costume on.  Whenever Brody wanted to introduce me to him or point him out he never said, the kid over there in the wheelchair or something similar, he used other, more common ways to point him out.  Nice.

Brody LOVES rock and roll and I’m pleased to report that he loves all manner of said musical form.  He can just as easily listen to classic fifties doo-whop, a rousing Stones anthem, some Rush, Billy Joel, The Offspring and today’s hits…so long as they don’t have swear words (or at least swear words he can make out).

He has a dream of taking guitar lessons when he turns seven, as stipulated by the local guitar-lesson place.  I suspect an electric guitar will be one of his birthday gifts.

In the interim, he has an acoustic guitar on which he ‘practices’.  He merely strums, but he enjoys it.  He also does an excellent job ‘writing’ lyrics to accompany his melodies.

A couple weeks back he broke a couple strings.  A co-worker of mine, her spouse plays in a band on weekends, so he was kind enough to re-string it for me.  I suggested he autograph the guitar, Brody would love that.

He did, in fact, inscribe Brod’s guitar.  My co-worker thought I might be mad by I LOVED it…as did Brody.

‘Brody,  Rock or Die! (name)’