Anyone with children between the ages of 5 and 15 has probably endured an episode or two of Rugrats.   The art was horrible but the stories were cute and inclusive.  Like most television shows, the plot hinged on a single ‘device’ every episode (ala there was always someone in costume trying to scare people away in Scooby Doo), for the Rugrats, it was the mispronunciation and misunderstanding of words.

After an episode or two, it’s really annoying; however, when you kids do it, it’s kinda cute.

Brody was quizzing Dayna on her favorite seafood; while he offered crab or lobster as choices, she stated Shrimp Cocktail.  Not familiar with this type of gross sea bug in overpriced ketchup, Brody ask ‘What’s shrimp Cottontail?’

As I prepared to take the kids grocery shopping, Dayna wanted each to remind to get something I keep forgetting week after week.  For Maura, as she said it over and over, the item was ‘kitty Glitter!’

When we were kids, if Mom or Dad seemed mad or even suggested that some sort of punishment (corporal or other) was imminent, I immediately started crying and begging for mercy, in hopes that my show of remorse would be considered punishment enough (never worked).  Willie, my brother, on the other hand, would just get stone faced and ‘take it’; he’d never give anyone the satisfaction of crying.

After tonight, I’m certain that Maura (blonde hair and blue eyed Maura) is in fact my daughter.

It was her annual physical: she did everything requested and was even rather sassy.  The doctor would draw a letter or picture and ask what it was; ‘That’s so easy, it’s an A’, she’d say.  The prefix was delivered as if she were the adult being quizzed by preschoolers.

Finally, the dreaded moment came….SHOTS!  Dayna scheduled the appointment in the evening just so I could be there to help restrain our certain-to-be manic daughter, holding the leather firmly in place while Sister Sara (old movie reference, five bucks for anyone who can figure it out) covered the wounds with whiskey and pushed the arrows through! 

Blah, Blah, Blah…Dayna goes to the waiting room with Brody while I grab the bottle marked XXX and grab the bridle from the Chevy.

The doctor and the nurse talk and play with her, all the while, cleaning each of her thighs, putting band aids on (two on one leg, one on the other – three shots total).  I’m told to gently hold her arms so she can’t grab the needle should panic set in.

The doctor keeps talking….

Dayna is angst-ridden, waiting for the howls, in the lobby…

Brody is playing his game boy and doesn’t really give a shit…

Then the moment of truth!

TWO NEEDLES COME OUT IN PLAIN SIGHT!   

Maura sees them and …….

Doesn’t give a shit either!

She watches as the nurse gives her a shot simultaneously with the doctor, and as the doctor fumbles with the needle cover on the third needle.  She watches them go in, then looks up and asks ‘Is this what the band aids are for?  Because I’m not bleeding.’

She didn’t cry, holler, act scared or even flinch and seemed somewhat confused by the sudden appearance of a wee goody bag from the doctor.  As if, ‘what’s this for, you just stick three pins in me, no biggie!’

Brody has taken on Dayna’s keen interest in the weather.  I personally don’t really care what the next day’s weather is predicted to be.

1.                  They’re wrong over half the time

2.                  I’m wearing pants, a shirt and shoes regardless if it’s a monsoon or a draught

3.                  I’ll find out when I wake up what it’s like, why waste the time logging on?

Alas, Brody was asking what the next would be like.  As a modern, sensitive Dad, and having no idea or interest, I lied and said it’d be hot.  (We wake up and it’s cold and rainy, I toss him pants instead of shorts – quicker than waiting for some newsreader to tell me ‘on the eights’!)

Based on my (completely made up) weather pronouncement, I tossed shorts and a short sleeve shirt on the floor for the next morning. 

He said he liked his shorts but wanted Capri’s.  He thought those looked pretty cool.  Again, being a sensitive Dad I said ‘WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKIN’ ‘BOUT BOY? DEM’S ARE GIRL CLOTHES!  YOU WEAR CARHARRTS, SANDPAPER OR NUTTIN!’

Not really (who in their right mind would wear Carharrts all day?), I politely informed him that ‘boy capris’ are called ‘surf shorts’ and that he should never speak of this day again.

We 'know' our neighbors, but we don't 'know' them closely.  We say 'hey', or the kids play together if they are out simultaneously.  But we've never sat each others kids, been over for dinner or asked for help fixing stuff (that would be me asking him, at best he would as me to hold something).  Nonetheless, we know that the family next to us, who moved in shortly after we did, is a great one.  Bob's lawn is immaculate (almost too immaculate), Becky is always there with a smile and the kids are two of the nicest you'd ever meet. 

We were saddened to learn that their son, who has the same birth date as Brody (though two years later), has leukemia.  We learned from another neighbor two doors down we also rarely talk to (I call her the gal that looks kinda like Karen, I'm not so good with names) and we haven't really had the opportunity to mosey over to say whatever is appropriate to say (which is hard to determine for a family you've lived next to for nine years but I don't even know their last name and whose son has just gotten his second serious illness in his short life (he had heart surgery immediately after birth)).

This is the front page article about them in our local paper today.  They are an impressive family and after reading this, it certainly puts any problems we have, or minor inconveniences we endure or preferences we wish were more frequently met seem pretty freakin' petty.

http://www.livingstondaily.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070524/NEWS01/70524001/1002

As a child I always found it somewhat humorous and sad that ‘old people’ could fall asleep at the drop of a hat.

Well, turns out I’m old!

This past weekend while visiting Dayna’s Mom, I sat in a new patio chair and was out in a few minutes; last night at soccer practice I had a new (foldy lawn) chair, came with an attached pillow….yup, out like a light!

So if you ever have me over, though I don’t know why you would, please place me somewhere that I won’t hit my head on any sharp corners inadvertently. J

Have to once again state that ‘MY WIFE ROCKS!’

She brings home the Noodle-Roni, and fries it up in a (2 gal) pan, she can get all dressed up, go out and study till four a.m. and then lay down at five (on the couch), jump up at six and start all over again.

Every weekend we have 6,000 commitments, a billion chores that never quite get done, children with whom we choose to play, continued weight loss at the gym (another 5.5 pounds last month) and now that she’s back in class, homework. 

She is presently asleep on the chair downstairs.  She falls asleep easier there than anywhere, and it is rather adorable.  I don’t know how she has the stamina for it all and then gets a 4.0 in her class.

I hope she knows how much we appreciate and admire her.   

One thing that we’re seeing in Brod, that we really like, is his desire to try anything and everything.  I’ve mentioned before, we asked if he wanted to play baseball this year; he declined saying he already did that.  This year he wanted to try soccer and next year basketball. 

He’s a dabbler.

Last night, just before bed, Dayna wanted to show some of the DVR from Dancing with the Stars.  The first one was Joey Fatone in white tails. (fast forward to 2:20 on the clock):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yKLX6HvBDk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gH7uifuwodc

He thought it was great! He wanted to wear a tux (even asking when Aunt Danielle was going to get married so he could wear one then – another kid in his class was recently a ring bearer) and he wanted to dance.

He asked again tonight.  I know as a Manly-Man that I should discourage his wanting to do ballroom dancing…for any of you questioning my Manly-Manhoodiness and my responsibility to transfer that to my son need only watch this clip!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSXj95yNNTM

(pause that between :58 and 1:05 and tell me that a man wouldn’t enjoy this activity!)

Mo doesn’t have a clock in her room, so while out with her yesterday I picked up an inexpensive, pink one for her.

I set it up and she proudly showed it off that evening.

I, being exceedingly handy, set the clock.

Turns out I forgot about the alarm and it went off last night at 12 a.m.!

Good move Dad!

Yesterday was Maura’s birthday.  She turned FOUR!

I can barely believe that I have children let alone that one is seven and the other four.  Dayna felt especially saddened as Maura is clearly a ‘big girl’ and was quite ‘misty’ whenever she thought too much about the event.  She fell asleep next to Mo’s bed at about the same exact time she was born (11:15 p.m.).

I took the day off so that Mo and I could have a Daddy / Daughter day.  She has been telling everyone at school about it for weeks and every night she’d ask if tomorrow was ‘the day’?  She loved to talk about what we’d do and she had it all planned out.

The central theme was playing. 

Breakfast was a McDonalds; ‘The one with the big play place.’  The fact that they serve food (for food like products) is incidental to the existence of a play place. 

After taking Brody to school we then hit the outdoor play place in downtown Brighton.  We spent close to two hours there, running, climbing, sliding (and watching Dad catch his breath). 

From there; the mall.  She wanted to use a coupon she received, plus birthday money to get a new outfit for her Build-a-bear stuffed animal.  She quickly picked out a lovely purple number and a pair of glitzy sandals.  Next up: the PLAY PLACE  of course! 

A brief lunch, pick up a couple things for Dad at Linen and Things, a bike tube for Mo, and her birthday cake and we were home….TO PLAY OUTSIDE!

It was great to spend the day with her.  She talked endlessly (when she wasn’t climbing or sliding on something) and appreciated the undivided attention (too easy a parent to get distracted by laundry, dishes, computers, personal interests and the like).

Also learned that she is a ‘she hulk’.  Just before bed she showed Dayna her hands and they were covered with splinters from the outdoor play place.  She had never once said anything for fear of having to leave. 

The gal is hard core!

Brody went to Target with me to get some wrapping paper for Mom’s day and Maura’s birthday.

Having been turned on to environmentalism at school, and Dayna’s comments after having presented ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ to her students; Brody went upstairs, got a tote bag of his, and carried it to the store so we wouldn’t use a plastic bag!

I’ll have to take this down but I’m gonna put it out there anyway.  However, to make it more difficult for my wife to protest, I shall utilize what little I remember about proofs from Mr. White’s geometry class.

Theorem:        My wife ( 8 ); represented mathematically by the number ‘8’ due to it’s hourglass shape should buy a bikini ( ∞ ); represented by the symbol for infinity because it resembles a bikini top.

Givens:           My wife is hot ☼

Prove:             ( 8 + ∞ = ☼ + J )

Dayna continues to lose weight and (somehow) looks better daily!  Last weekend we were out shopping for Maura’s birthday gifts and found we had a few minutes to shop for Dayna.  (A. She needed a swimsuit B. I buy clothes from ebay)

She’s been needing a swimsuit.  It’s an annual ritual of ours.  As summer approaches and the catalogs arrive, I’m informed of last years swimsuit’s deficiencies and the need for an immediate successor.  I make that ‘Husband’ face as she shows me pictures from the catalogs … you know, the ‘I CAN’T BELIEVE A PIECE OF MATERIAL THAT ONLY COVERS ½ YOU BODY COSTS MORE THAN A GOOD CAR STEREO!’ face.  (Have to confess, I don’t hide it well)

So we’re at the store, we find some great ones and Dayna even takes in a few for ‘fun’. Though self-conscious that others might see her (an employee eventually did spook her), Dayna put on a sporty bikini (sporty not uber tiny) and I gotta tell you, SHE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT.  She looked fantastic!

Of course she didn’t (having not seen the proof above) get it, but did get an equally as nice and sporty tankini (the stuff you gals come up with, Men have Underwear, Pants, Shrits and that’s it!)

However!  While she did pass on the bikini, she did pick up a super cool (hip, trendy, sexy, youthful, and all around cool) blouse at HOT TOPIC.  Yes, my wife bought clothing at the Goth store!  (Rob thinks to self:  ‘Play those cards right mister and that plaid mini is in the bag!’)

Maura is truly a girly-girl (when she’s not getting’ all up in your shit … see a subsequent posting).

Her birthday is Tuesday and I have taken the day off to spend it with her.  I asked what she wanted to do and she provided the following itinerary:

1. Out to breakfast
2. Mall
   1. She needs sunglasses
   2. She needs sundresses (preferably with no sleeves)
   3. Her Build-a-Bear Cat (Mow – pronounced ‘Ma-o’) also needs new clothing and sunglasses that match hers
3. Put Dad in old folks home cause she’s such a grown up.

I’m really looking forward to it.  As a surprise I may get her nails done (just painted, the bible says no acrylics till you’re twelve!) or a ‘pretend’ make over at a department store (assuming I’ll have to buy some product for Dayna).

She’s very excited about the day, talks about what she wants to wear (I draw the line when she starts talking about what I’m supposed to wear) and tells everyone at school.

Brody saw a two dollar bill today and asked who the president on the bill was.  When informed he immediately said ‘Oh, he was the third president of the united states.’ 

Additionally, it troubles him greatly that he has a solar system t-shirt and hand outs from his teacher with Pluto on them.

Finally, as previously mentioned, they are taking math tests in his class.  Each test is lettered (A, B, C, and so on).  As you pass one, you can then take the next, progressively more difficult, test.  Brody is the farthest along in his class!

I won’t go into the gory details, but Mo was a bit of a witch with a capital B last Saturday.  Thanks to Dayna for handling it as I had Brody for the morning and he was great.

Basically Mo’ threw a massive fit at Dance class and behaved quite inappropriately for public and especially towards Dayna.  When we all met at home afterwards (Brody had a soccer game) we sat her down to have a talk.

Superficially she might have acknowledged regret, but I suspect only to get us to leave her alone. 

We put her down for a nap, Dayna took Brod to guitar lessons and I stayed back with Elpheba.

When she woke up I was napping in my room.  She came over and started asking for all sorts of things.  I immediately informed her it’d be a miracle if she got gifts for her birthday, let alone these immediate requests.  I asked her if she was ready to say she was sorry to Mom.

She looked right at me and said ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about’ and then went back to whatever she was doing!

Whoa! 

We are now changing her middle name to Trouble!

Brody has finally come into his own athletically.  I will admit that in years past he has been a somewhat awkward runner, not interested in the least in playing outside with complete disinterest in his bike.

After baseball last year, learning to swim, enjoying the outdoors up north (vs. Disney) last summer and soccer this year; he’s got it together from the coordination, body mechanics side but what he was missing was THE EYE OF THE TIGER!

Well, he got the needed eye transplant when he saw the kindergartner behind us riding a two wheeler, sans training wheels. 

You could almost hear the lion roar!

Last night Brody got on and rode better than he ever had before.  Today, while Dayna hit the gym, the kids and I went to the old high school and rode on the track (it’s has a flat, but padded surface) and he rode TWO WHOLE MILES!

Tonight, after his soccer game and guitar lessons, and having seen no TV, that he’d beg us to watch the tele (personally, I’m exhausted and would’ve preferred it if he had) but NO! No I say!  The tiger-eye was twinkling and it was more bike riding!  Yay!

Now, on to Maura.  Maura too wanted to ride her bike, but alas she had a flat.  She said ‘Dad.  Are you gonna hump my bike?  You have to hump and hump to get it up!’ (SERIOUSLY!)  This was on the way to dinner.

Today, she wanted to play basketball.  She came over and said ‘Dad.  Could you hump the balls.  Just grab your humper and hump the balls bigger!’

I’m not lying to you!  Cracked me up!