You coach

You reinforce

You praise

You yell your ass off

…all in the hopes that your kids will be good without the above; well, today, we saw some of that. 

Brody, who normally groans like Titanic breaking apart, when asked to clean his room has done so (the cleaning, not the groaning) several times this week, groan-free. 

Yay! Only seven years!

Maura, nicely picked up her dishes and took them to the sink, tossing out unwanted trash on the way; not spilling a crumb.

They’ve both started to communicate their needs by stating a request rather than announcing their current status (e.g. ‘I’m THIRSTY DAMMIT’ vs. ‘Papa, may I please imbibe some bottled water when you have the inclination to provide it to me?’)  It’s a very nuanced difference I know, but an important one!

I don’t know who they are, but I hope their parents don’t pick them up soon.

Work sucks!

Last year, the SOB’s sent me to Paris.  I mean really, they had just sent me to France and the Netherlands the year before; San Diego,  D.C., et. al.

F&@#ers!

So what do they go an' do…bastards sent me to San Francisco! 

Dammit!  I wanted to go back to Milwaukee!

I swear..!

So when I’m forced to go to these goddamn places, I try to make the best of it.  So, as I did elsewhere, when work was over, I passed on gracious invites to dinner and went on a walk.  For this trip I walked for nearly 4 – 5 hours straight; from the Bay Bridge to Fisherman’s Wharf, to Ghirardelli’s, close to the Golden Gate, through the Haight and on to the Transamerica Building.  Even popped into China Town.

All my coworkers made fun of my hotel; in SF, most in the financial district are 300 a night.  Well, to Midwestern me, that’s an awful lot of money to sleep, shower and $#!+.  So I searched a bit and found one for a third of that.  So everytime I’d meet a local, they’d ask, ‘Where are you staying?’  Upon responding they would inquire as to cost and then proclaim my lodgings a dump. 

Well I loved them, it was kitschy, with character and a clawfoot tub!  I’ll be back for certain.  It was also right at the entrance to China Town (which apparently is a very stressful place to live or work based on all the Happy Endings Massage Parlors’ around). 

I found a great local restaurant (you can tell by how many men are there wearing newsboy caps) for breakfast to which I could walk and instead of an AC, my hotel had windows!  How cute!

I really enjoyed the walk and saw a lot of sights:

·         The Bay Bridge, which led to the stadium where on that night Barry Bonds broke the record

·         Alcatraz, the ultimate ‘Time Out’

·         Shopping at Fisherman’s Wharf…

·         A guy urinating on the side of a building, discreetly hidden by a dirty comforter

·         Seeing Janis Joplin and Grateful Dead stuff at the local Hard Rock

·         Art exhibits for Warhol and Nieman

·         Ghirardelli’s WHQ (yay chocolate)

·         Another homeless man peeing in a corner  

·         The bookstore where all the Beat writers congregated

·         And bought ‘peace’ tie-dye shirts for the kids

Some pics are below.

I really am quite fortunate to have gone.  I really enjoyed myself and San Francisco is an adorable town.  I will be back, I just hope it’s before the Manga / Tazuka (father of manga) leaves the Asian Museum of Art.

Two follow ups for our ‘up north’ vacation.

Dayna reminded me of another incident which seemed blog-worthy.  Early one morning we were playing around in the cabin and there was a knock on the door.  Dayna and I both froze, looked at each other as if to ask ‘Do serial killers in rural settings knock first?’  After we eliminated that possibility, we thought that it might be the owner picking up the garbage, which he said he did on this day. 

As I was the only one dressed, it befell me to brave the door and greet the unknown visitor.  Well to my surprise, it was two attractive young ladies.  I give them my best Joey ‘How you doin?’ imitation.  They respond with ‘What do you think of the state of the world today.’ (and I notice the small bible she’s clutching to her chest…mmmm, odd that I would notice that there!?)  LOL  JOKING Dayna!

Seriously!  We’re in the middle of freakin’ nowhere and there are still J W’s?  Gotta give those folks an A+ for effort!  Now I can’t comment on the young JW gentlemen who visit neighborhoods; they always look like they’re wearing their Dad’s suit; yet for the gals, I’ve never seen one that was average to unattractive.  I remember when I moved into my first house as a young bachelor; when the JW behind me found out I was single, he never came back by without a cute, single gal from the hive.

Anyway, they were good sports.  I treated them with due respect, we had a fair exchange of ideas, though to them I’m certain I sounded like Fox Mulder did to his bosses on X-files.  I gave them permission to make fun of me in the car afterwards and we parted friends. 

As a matter of fact, I wonder if that is when someone slipped that ten dollar bill in my pants?  Hmmmmm (see later post).

Number two: attached are the few digital photos taken, most at the sand dune.  For your viewing pleasure.   

As an older Brother, Brody is annoyed by most anything Maura does.  He is especially dismayed when she mispronounces words.

Now mind you, Brody says ‘Holy Waca-moley’ and refuses to change when corrected, but when it comes to Mo, he will only tolerate the Queen’s English.

So today while Dayna was at the gym, the three of us had a tea party.  I took Tiger (which is large and doubles as a pillow), Mo brought a stuff horse and Brody brought a stuffed Snoopy.

Mo kept saying ‘Snoo-fee’ do you want some cream in your tea?

Brody tried to correct her, ‘Mo, It is Sooo-Pee.’

She’d say it wrong and he’d do it again.  After a while he got pretty annoyed and Mo, being an excellent pusher of buttons changed to ‘Snoof-pee’. 

Dayna had a headache and went to our room to lie down.  I finished up Maura’s bath and got her set for her few minutes of DVR Wonder Pets (this way we can pass the commercials and they don’t want stuff and are happier) while I helped Brody navigate some sticky issues with the Empire on a Star Wars game. 

As I am a twenty-first century man, I was also clearing the table, doing the dishes and the laundry.  I even find time to squeeze in some screen sucking on-line. 

Within a few minutes I hear some serious snoring.  I look over the balcony and low and behold I have two sleeping kids on the floor and a snoozing spouse on the couch (I didn’t even here her go down there – though she is a HUGE Wonder Pets fan).

Got Brody to bed, going to have to carry Mo and Dayna next.  

Well it looks like I have a few minutes to report on our recent vacation ‘up north’.  We once again rented a great cabin about 30 minutes in some direction outside of Traverse City. 

Rather than attempting to create multiple postings and then putting them in reverse order, so that you read them in the correct order, I’m just going to type one long posting and be done with it.  Hope you don’t mind.

‘Jimi Hendrix would be proud!’

The day before we left, Dayna and Maura did some last minute shopping.  We don’t know her inspiration (possibly a rest room sign) but Maura kept walking around the store saying ‘I’m a woman!’  Over and over, with some conviction and so that others could hear.  The next day, as we drove ‘up north’ she then decided that she wanted to be a ‘fox’; so she said ‘I’m foxy! I’m a woman!’

‘Get outta my house!’

Check in time for the cabin is three p.m. on Saturday.  Brody was quite insistent that we get there as soon as possible.  As we neared the cabin, and it wasn’t three p.m. just yet, Brody asked (possibly informed) us if we would kicking out the other people if they were still there.  He sounded like an angry landlord.  Surprisingly the clock turned to 3:00 p.m. right when we turned on the street and we pulled into the driveway at 3:01…lucky for the previous guests, they were gone!  ‘Cause Brody was out for some kicks and their asses would have been in the way!

‘The little things that make kids happy:’

·         Sunday morning, having b’fast as the classy Flap Jack Shack (where the kids insisted that flap jacks tasted different than pancakes) and having to park the car in the grass, on a hill.  Kids thought the ‘launch’ position was a hoot!

·         Whining for weeks to cook marshmallows; cooking marshmallows over the fire and setting marshmallows on fire….

·         And then not liking them, giving the melted black ball of goo to Dad and eating raw marshmallows!

·         Throwing rocks into the river behind the cabin and sitting on the swing.

·         Finding seashells (we didn’t tell her they were rocks)

‘Water parks’

The first full day, we did spend a little time in Traverse City.  We hit a great lakes children’s science center and then visited a small water park.  Though small, it wasn’t cheap…and we really weren’t prepared for a water park; we were more scopin’ it out for later.  But while there we did buy tickets for the water bumper boats and go karts (yes! For the kids, not me!)

Bumper boats: Dayna rode with Maura and they did a great job.  Brody was on his own (I watched) and it took him a while to get the hang of steering.  Once he did however, he spent most of the time chasing this one teenage gal (during their time it was Brod, Mo/Dayna and two teen gals).  Whenever she would get hit, she’d really scream, so Brody thought that was cool.  I’m fairly certain this was not intentional, but who knows, however, because Brody was kind of chasing her, and she was kind of trying to get away, they were usually at the same distance and angle from each other.  As such, for most of the time, Brody’s water stream from his bumper boat (they were equipped with big squirt guns ) went right down the front of the gals swimsuit, and usally right between the targets.   He’ll be watching a sexual harassment video soon.

Go Karts: The kids aren’t tall enough to drive a real go kart, but they did have some that were smaller.  Maura did it after Brod and she did an incredible job.  She’s has never really ‘driven’ anything (unlike all those licensed four year old drivers) but did great!  She rarely hit the wall or the infield.  Brody also did well and when he got off he said ‘Did you see how Smoooooth I took those turns?’

‘Dune that!’

This year we hit the Sleeping Bear Dunes.  As we approached they looked pretty manageable.  Dayna indicated that you had to walk over several dunes to get to the lake and I was like ‘yeah, I can totally do that!’  Well, one cardiac arrest later and we had made it to the top of the first major dune and a smaller one on top of that (a ‘dune hat’ or ‘dune-ita’ if you will).  DAMN!  That. Was. Hard!  We got some great pictures, Dayna made fun of me for thinking I could make it to the lake and then we headed down.  The kids took off and we’re crankin’!  They made it to the bottom long before us, sat patiently and waited for us to join them.  Have to tell you, goin’ down that dune was the fastest I’ve run in a long time! 

‘Raggedy WHO?’

We visited one of the oldest coast guard stations and a ranger did a demonstration of how they would save sailors on stranded vessels in the early 1900’s.  She used all kids and they had to wind rope, carry heavy carts, send out a chain and all manner of quaint twentieth century activities that are today done by the internet or people in China.  As they were engaged in this re-enactment, they were saving two large Raggedy Anne and Raggedy Andy dolls…the ranger was like, ‘Quick! Send the rope to Andy’…and they start looking around, ‘is your Dad named Andy?  Mine’s isn’t.  Who is Andy and DAMN are those ugly dolls stranded over there by the bell tower!’  Thankfully, our two raggedy friends were saved (Though Andy dumped Anne for some kid’s Bratz doll – hard to compete with that much lip liner sweetie!).  The kids also got a nice certificate from the ranger.

‘Chrysalis’

Last year we went on a short tubing trip.  This year we decided to do the longer trip (couple hours) that ended at Lake Michigan.  We also decided to go in a canoe.  Maura didn’t quite understand, but kept insisting that she wanted her own ‘cocoon’.  Most problematic with that was she would ask wherever we were, not just when we were boating.  We’d be in a restaurant ‘Can I have a cocoon?’ and so on.

As we all know, my kids CANNOT sit stil, don’t know why, I have no problem, so the thought of the four of us in a single canoe was somewhat concerning.  I figured we’d be in the drink often.  Yet once again our kids surprised us.  They sat like angels in the canoe for over two hours and we just rowed and chatted.  Saw some deer drinking as we went through a deep lake and a giant turtle on a log.  We also saw a dragonfly poop on our canoe (thankfully, they’re not that smelly).  It was very ‘nature-y’ and I could hear Al Gore urging us on the whole time.  Next year, the kids (and I) want kayaks.

Just before you hit the lake, you get out of the canoe as the current really increases.  So we get out and Dayna and the kids park it by the remains of the platte river while I return everything.   So the kids get into this little river, Brody in a life jacket, Maura in this floaty thing, and before you know it, they floating away!  Dayna starts after them, but they can’t stop, the current is too strong…they get worried for a second and then start laughing that Dayna can’t catch them.  I wish I was there for that!  Fortunately they did stop before they made it to Wisconsin.

(Oh yeah – I forgot my sunscreen and as a result, my shoulders are now short one layer of dermis!)

‘Smooch the Moose’

That’s not an innuendo btw.  Dayna met a gal in her grad classes; her folks own Sledder’s, a restaurant/tavern in Traverse City.  So of course, we stopped by, said ‘Hey’ to her friend (who works there in the summer) and met the moose.  This place is over 100 years old and it’s ‘claim to fame’ is this GIANT moose head in the back.  When you eat there, the tradition is to go in the back, step on a step ladder and then kiss the moose.

Can you believe that my wife let our kids kiss a dead animal, whose been dead for who knows how long, that has been kissed by thousands of strangers…the kids thought it was hilarious!

‘At the hop’

Brody and I went to a drive in.  There is one there and they were playing a double feature.  I can see the allure of the drive in.  We got there at eight, but the movie didn’t start till dusk, which was 10 p.m.  Great! So Brody and I played Frisbee, catch, sat and talked, walked around, and just …slowed…down.  Brody even won an ice cream cone.  We backed the truck in and listened to the old music from the speakers.

I can also see why drive in’s are gone:  BUGS.  COLD.  FOG/MIST after dark.  BUGS.  By the end of the first movie, there was so much mist, we couldn’t even figure out where the screen was!  We still had a great time; a first for Brod, a walk down memory lane for me.

‘Critters’

One of the most enjoyable aspects of the cabin is the animals.  The owner does a great job setting out food for birds, deer and other forest creatures.  While they didn’t make any clothing for Dayna, they were always out.  My favorite was watching the humming birds right by the window.  At any time you could spot a woodpecker, a bluejay, a cardinal and all other manner of birds, as wells a squirrels and chipmunks.  There was one chipmunk that let all of us walk right up to him, inches away, and he just sat there eating.  I really enjoyed waking up, sitting on the deck and watching the run all over. 

‘Brody Potter and Maura Grainger’

We were up there the night of the Harry Potter release.  The local book store had a big event and tied it to a regular Friday night festival in downtown Traverse City. 

Brody got to wear his costume and he really was one of the better Harry’s.  The costume he got from his grandparents is top ‘o the line and he did look awesome.  There were many compliments given to him, which he appreciated.  We picked up a school uniform for Mo’, so she could look like Hermione.  She found a stick at the cabin, peeled off the bark, and let it dry for days so she had a wand.

The bookstore had a scavenger hunt.  Many of the stores on the main drag has a HP related item in the window display.  Find them all, enter your sheet for a shot to be the first to get the HP book.  While we didn’t stay till midnight, the kids loved the hunt.  At one point, a FANCY restaurant was on the list.  Dayna (I was shopping for a cool bowling shirt) thought this odd, but was motioned in.  A nice hostess mentioned that the item was hidden in the restaurant and anyone who found it got a free desert!  Dayna was still shocked; this was truly an upscale place.  Brody looked but to no avail; however, the eternal order of the guitar came through (that’s our secret organization); and one of the musicians playing in the restaurant ‘psst’d at Brody and then pointed to where the item was.  Nice guy.  Brody told the hostess who brought him an awesome desert that also had gummy worms.

For those of you who have seen HP1, there is a game of chess with giant pieces.  Well some guy had a giant chess set there.  The pieces were 2.5 feet high!  You had to play in the middle of the street in front of a large crowd.  Brody really wanted to do it, so he and I played chess for all to see!  It was great!

There was a lot of other events and anecdotes up north, but suffice it to say, I’ll take a cabin over Disneyworld any day of the week! 

As I’ve mentioned before, when I do the laundry, I usually guaranteed to find a buck or two.  When I do the laundry, on load is purely skivs, socks and ladies foundation garments.

So I was surprised to find a ten in this week’s load.

Either Dayna has started using her bra as a change purse (though I thought you had to be sixty or older to do that) or once again, random women have been slipping tips in my britches again at the play places!